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How to Say ‘No’

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Many people find it difficult to say ‘no’ to requests from others, despite the impact that saying ‘yes’ can have on our work lives or stress levels. When someone asks you to do something, take your time to answer. Then, when responding, consider the following:

  • use ‘I’ to show you are taking responsibility;
  • be direct – ensure you use the word ‘no’;
  • avoid lengthy explanations and apologies;
  • acknowledge that the other person may be upset by your refusal;
  • suggest alternatives;
  • repeat your refusal until the person acknowledges it;
  • be aware of body language and make it congruent with the verbal message.

Many people are concerned that if they assert themselves others will think of their behaviour as aggressive. But there is a difference between being assertive and aggressive. Rakos (1997) refers to assertion being the mid-point on the continuum between passive and aggressive behaviour. However, Dickson (1982), states that assertive behaviour attacks the problem, not another person, ensuring that the reasonable rights of all involved are respected.

Assertive people state their opinions, while still being respectful of others. Aggressive people attack or ignore others’ opinions in favour of their own. Passive people don’t state their opinions at all.


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